...it's countenance...

Access is one of the gifts in the garden of life; like your friendship garden where you grow friendships. I had 'access', therefore respect. The problem being that I didn't respect the fact that I indeed had it, respect -full boar. And, as said, with access in hand the gifts are there for you to harvest, without restriction. Giving adage to understanding, 'a fool and his rewards are soon parted' some like to say, 'a fool and his money soon parted.' It happened to me in the flow between the 70's & 80's where I ended up dead, at least in the medicinal sense, I lost Access. My garden of gifts wilted away behind the wall; with it, my ability to redeem balance over disrespect, ending Access. Side bar: think "Trump's wall" & its under lying message is walling all of us in, as if we were in East Berlin, behind that wall which deny others, as I had denied my self; Remembrance: "As social animals, we're destined to interact with other human beings. That's humanity's intrinsic nature, after all: we must socialize to be part of something. Otherwise, society itself would obviously come apart and an essential part of what makes us humans would go extinct. But as social our nature is, there are certain people who are incapable to adapt to social standards and who simply can't easily interact with others. In some cases, this may not be mere biology: some people simply deal with their circumstances by building barriers. A wall, if you will. The Wall (1979), which talks about an individual who decided to hide behind the wall he built by the abandonment of his father, the overbearing nature of his mother, the dark state of society, human nature, fame, and war. That's clearly not a hopeful situation for a hurt psyche like his. Roger Waters turned solitude, loneliness, and emotional collapse into a powerful—and beautiful—opera with The Wall and its fictional character, Pink Floyd.
countenance