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Showing posts from April, 2014

"...the rest of the story."

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So, I'm in the 'joint' one day preparing to get out when one of the inmates walked up to me and said that there was a friend of his, from the outside, who wanted to get in touch with me.I was thinking I really do not know what this is all about; but what ever it is, I do not want any part of this. Needless to say, I chose to meet with the guy. He was a scribe for the shiners, a social calling. I spoke with Mr. C., the school principal, about it; he  too was on the negative side of meeting. This guy Timmy was interviewing the inmates that he visited because he was on a mission to find and help out an innocent inmate upon the inmate's release. He had been doing it for quite some time. But the system did not trust him. Meaning, they did not understand this journey that he was on, trying to find a innocent man. He felt that it was his Christian duty to do penance and be apart of the solution. What can I say? The reason he came to that conclusion was a surprise to me. The …

"a horse with no name"... America

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When I got out of the "icicle garden," I went back to school. I got out in 1993, with a five year obligation as my debt with society. So when this story took place, I was studying psychology because I was under constant stress. Plus, I had lost control of my environment. So major fear factors. Anyway, I learned that women can discern the droppings of different mice just like the mouse can and know that it is safe to copulate with you, as in another mouse, not you in general. In nature it is important to spread your genes out and away from your small family of origin.  We had an experiment in class. The women could discern the strength of a male's fertility through his sweat. They did this by smelling the t-shirts worn by their male classmates. I was part of the test, enough said.  Also, in today's paper of the NY Times, science section, the mouse can discern the difference between a man an a women. Plus, all lab mice fear the male  and all lab mice find comfort with…

F-ile U-nder C-arnal K-nowledge: FUCK file. Mr. F

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This is true: Welcome to my world. When you are placed on the registry for sex offenders, the one thing that you can depend on is that you are fucked for life. So why did Judge F. surrender to political pressure and give it to me up the ass. Yes, there never was any evidence presented to the court to substantiate the verdict of guilty. But, Judge F. allowed his true nature to rise to the surface just like the corruption which must have been present when he was given the opening to assure the community that the south was changing- "the times they are changing." That is so fucking not true. Judge F. is just another one of our species who cares more about fitting in with the power brokers of the racial community's divided sense of duty. It is a zero sum game; all are subject to the whims of prejudice; it is their Christian duty. Judge F. is not neutral when sitting on the bench. That is if you think that a judge's duty is to find a fair balance between advisories. Puni…

The icicle garden. Redux

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Nepotism like the Rose comes as a three legged stool, "a rose is a rose is a rose." There is nothing more beautiful than a Rose so being in the family is essential. There are differences and there are dependencies and therein lies the balancing act between the two or three. But in the icicle garden there is no freedom unless there is death. What is life without freedom? It is death. If you can not dream a dream where is the rehabilitation, where is the justice? Is it with you trying to stake out your space even though you do not have any ties to the system of justice, family ties. You want to be the individual without any history; your family of influence does not have any skin in the game only prejudice. Why is this? Maybe it has to do with your need to be so special. Like that is all your grandmother said to you as you were growing up, "Little one, you are oh so special." So, unless you are the bull of contention, I suggest that you become a member of the herd an…

a patron's choice.

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Give me a break, will you please. Now please, I do not mean a physical break like breaking my knee caps if I miss paying you my debt. You know, I didn't realize that it was you whom I was doing business with the blood sucker out of life's shadow. I thought I was doing business with the avatar you put out in the community to whitewash your image. Had I known that it was you and your social set of elitist sucking off of that witch's tit on the corner, I would have rendered myself a slave as is a custom in some of the tribes in the primal belief system from Africa's past. This is not one of those moments form the movies when the don said, "Hold your friends close but your enemies closer." Personally I do not want to eat with you, nor do I want you to eat me. So, as a Slave from the Southern model, pre-reconstruction, please consider me as an asset and tend to my needs. Life is about truth; life is not about what you think, life is about what life is, the meaning…

Compare/Contrast: Marriage or divorce?

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If you would imagine a window that is divided up into four equal sections. The top part is north; the bottom part is south; the right side is east; the left side is west - this I'm calling a paradigm: "the window pain theory."Just a tool, a way to observe a situation. Let us look at the two-state solution between the north and the south after the civil war; its cauldron of reconstruction politics. We can see many scenarios in hindsight, granting our wisdom with 20/20 vision. And for sure, it is still a work in process. OK, that took care of the top and bottom of the window. Now the east with its WASP sense of balance which no one other than a WASP can discern - projecting its baggage of Victorian morality inculcated while coming over on the Mayflower, buffering the protestant reformation. Juxtapose that to the west and its liberal undercurrent of "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"; there is no need for a confession. But still the WASP will visit his friends…

It's a game.

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Can you imagine what it would be like if you had to live your life as if your neighbor had sway over your actions, to the extent that your pleasure depends upon how comfortable your neighbor is with how well you respect their wishes over yours? The herd is forming so get along little doggie. There is one small point that every one seems to have forgotten, Al Gore did develop the internet for commercial use because before it was called the internet. It was called N.S.A. It is an arm of the military. V.P. Gore was releasing this tool of the industrial military complex of data mining over to private industry. This is the way of the system, get the government to develop and harness these capital pathways.  Now, just like Humpty-Dumpty falling off of the wall you are not going to get your civil rights put back together again. You had civil rights, or you believed that you had civil rights until you found out that they never existed accept in your inadequate memory, education. Please name m…

Living...a glass house.

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Because of my hearing disability, I got a deferment for my degree quest because a foreign language was required; so, if I majored in a culture it would count toward language credits; I chose the Middle East. So this is my point of interest. The grain of sand in this metaphor is Israel being the grain in the Middle East's taste for shellfish. Think of the old Ottoman Empire as the 'oyster.' The pearl is forming; the oyster knows that its life is in jeopardy due to those who want to harvest that pearl. For example, a slim majority of the Palestinian population would rather have Israel protect their interest than those who would become the facade of the political system taking control. 56% of Palestinians are against the two-state solution on safety issue. They know that Gaza was at one time a very robust economy; upward mobility through commerce and woman's rights had a rising star in Israel until the US backed off and formed an alliance with Hamas. Israel left Gaza Str…

Let us dance

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I do hate to admit that it seems to me that all the problems in the system of today's governance is spinning around the Maypole of religion. Yes, it seems to me that once you decided that your god -the god of gods- is the true and ever lasting source of enlightenment; therefore, every one else had to prostate to your sense of sensibility. I say remember the inquisition, its tone of self righteous dribble that stained the minds of reason. And by the way it also did stain the fabric of social intercourse to the extent that it is unthinkable to use the term intercourse in any throughway other than the dirty deed of fucking which you just will not take responsibility for. No, your bet is on the myth of heaven and therefore you want to waste your moment and the moments of others with the rubbish of redemption. So, let me offer up another side bar to consider: It is all about giving your brain the opportunity of moving beyond the small family of prejudice that spawns such superstitious …

Yesterday's... Monday morning of rememberance.

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Monday's Monday is one of the powers that binds into your psyche. You know it because you had been there before, hopefully learning from past experiences.  Some of my Mondays were wonderful, please do not misunderstand me, but that Monday morning -April 1, 1989, April Fools' day, that day was not a joke for me. It was my birthday present. The state of SC helped some very bad, yet influential people, steal my birthday that year, 1989.  By any stretch of any imbeciles you choose to reference, SC has deliberately stolen every day of my life; this will continue until I die all because three women joined in the conspiracy. The deal was some where around $350,000,000 dollars. Yes, it was a loss, but the biggest loss in my estimation was all my own fault. The year was 1981; it was another one of my very own birthday presents. Only, this time it was all about the coke. I was out of coke and out of control during the DC shut down brought down by Hinckley's attack on Regan. This was…

Then... I died.

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The only tenderness in my life came from the streets. My environment was brutal; my streets lied to me and some said they loved me. It was a sexual revolution fostered and parented out of WWII. They came back from the war liberated in victory. The G.I. bill was their ticket to ride. Life in the streets was robust to say the least. For me it began in the barber shop where my grandfather worked. He was one of those who missed the revolution. One day walking home from work with a six pack under his arm, he dropped dead just as he was turning the corner onto his own street. He lived just two houses down on the right hand side of the street; I lived on the corner where he died. Life went out to those ones who wanted it. That was a bad corner after that for me because they beat me up emotionally in my house -some kissed me on the street- others abused me. But, my favorite ones informed me, educated me on how to be a critical thinker on a confused stage leaving many failures along the way. I…

Herd or Heard, what gives? they sound the same.

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I like playing around with a word and its sound and meaning. The letters you use to spell out 'time' or 'emit.' These two words have the same letters; it's the interpretation of the letter string or the word and its meanderings, what the letters spell out. The same four letter spell out a different word. Some words sound the same but their letter string is different, like 'herd' or 'heard' which sound the same but have different meanings. 'Herd' is a coming together of the cows; when they do, the only sound that you 'hear' was the sound of the 'herd.' So listen to the sound of the herd and tell me what you hear. For example, the anomaly of the 'd' when ending or finishing the letter string. Do I 'd' or not? Let us ponder the thought. OK? Heard -hear, So, what is this "d" all about? I'm not sure, it could mean "daddy" to some so I'll go along with the flow. For example,  the US is in…

OpeNing -emotion or clOsiNg -silence

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When you lose your memories, you lose their tangential affects upon the ability to function as if you had not lost your experiences, memories. Memories are past situations from various encounters with the environment. Now coming into the situation is what it is all about. Being a part of the interaction allows you the opportunity for growth so it is unjust to prosecute when opportunities were denied; there does not seem to be any sportsmanship in that mind set - knowing that there are many cultures mixing in this population, each socializing threw their customs. They may all visualize something different when they hear the sound of a ping. The ping is what I hear when I'm in time -travel. In mind core therapy your visual and auditory senses are stimulated;for example, the head set gives your ear the ping and the goggles give your eyes the flashes of light. The pings and the flashes oscillate and ungulate to a controllable porthole in my mind's eye. Einstein call it the worm ho…

what...?

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Nothing, or maybe something, is in the pipe line. Why do I say that? Well, Steve told me this morning during brain core stimulation that I had a lot of brain activity; he did not say that it was good brain activity. Jinny told me that my urine's scent has changed since my therapy, effluvium.  I'm in brain core therapy because my beta is burning way too hot. When it is in the pipe line you may not be sure if you are to "shit or get off the pot." I think that I'm just passing gas, effluvium. Maybe this is why I blog, effluvium. What I'm hopping for is that this effluvium of my mind's transition will help facilitate my time-travel. Traveling back in time in an out of body fashion. Since therapy, I started to occupy the experience, displacing my own space. What was my role in these past experiences of mine? Did I want to be me at that moment; or, was I just surviving as I was waiting around while life was unfurling its mysteries? To me it is a thing about soc…

Immortal's fungus

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Let it be said that it was a tradition for some to dig under the cow dung to pluck the mushrooms that grew there. Hint, think "Alice in Wonderland," you know, the place where Michael hangs out. Now for the story, I was in Peshawar, W. Pakistan. I was in the military. I got the "dear John letter" from the girl I left behind with the diamond ring inside; it came registered mail.  So I placed it in my safe; it was a top secret safe on a top secret installation in the middle of Tribal Territory during the Pakistan and India war of 1965. Security was high because of the mission, the spying of Russia. But when I reported the diamond missing to security, little did I realize that I too would be a suspect. Let me tell you what I think they did to me. I believed the military -the NSA- interrogated me and used drugs -creating a rabbit hole to gain access to my mind to discover if I was lying about the missing diamond. Also, I believe they wanted to know more about my relati…

How dare you!

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OK!  You piss someone off; it was one of your many unintended consequences leaving someone else to take the fall. So you try to figure things out, but you do not remember the moment in question. It is too late to think anyway. For example, it is a fallacy in logic for you to affirm anything using a given consequence. You cannot use the consequence from some past event to affirm the antecedent of a future event; it is illogical. There is no logic behind spite, though. Spite is seen as something done out of revenge even thought there is a cost for doing so. Because, when you are being spiteful the only think that counts is being on the positive side of zero sum,  You accept the taxation for your need, revenge; even if in the future, it comes back to haunt you. Yes, spite is all about mental rape, fucking up their psyche. Spite is all about destroying someone's environment, making someone else squirm in their own deserved cesspool. Spite is the moral high road of the twisted amongst …

Having a good time : < }~~ 0 ~~{ < :

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At my expense, it is my life. I did not create the stage. I'm the understudy in this adaptation; I must learn my line so to assure others that I'll be there for your pleasure if anything interferes with today's performance. I'm studying for the part about the 14th Amendment to the Constitution of the USA. There is this thing about the 5/8 status of the slave; the slave got liberated and he needs a new value base upon equality, 8/8 or a full member of the population. Another thing, if everything is a commodity, than the money has to flow from the individual to the federal government, from the federal government to the state based upon its population. A side bar to this is that some states put more money in to the federal treasure than they get out, plus some states put in less than they receive from the federal treasury. For example, MA put in more than they get back; SC receives more money from the federal government than their citizens contribute to the federal govern…

homework's...traveling through time!

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It's called traveling through time; I just love it; today I went back to when I was about 12 years old. Two of the boys from the neighborhood were meeting in the basement of tp's house when I dropped in. They were all worked up over some kind of rumble they were thinking about. Cullen took his belt off and sharpened his buckle down to a razor's edge. Shit; we all did it! Today I witnessed a very dumb thing about myself; I never understood what the consequences of those actions would have brought about if we had followed through with the plans at hand. Fuck -how stupid- yes, today in my time travel I saw how fucking dumb I truly was. Anyway, this program of neural feedback allows me to influence my own convergence towards a more meaningful confluence with myself and the many "rabbit holes" in my future.

here.....hear..... ;o)~

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Yesterday she said, "It is all about me"; that is what she said; "I'm egotistical." I cannot believe this. Now she has changed her mind. Today she said that egotistical might not be the right word because I have become more considerate of others since we first met. No, I just have to think that she and I are different but she has not realized that as of yet. I think that she must think that I think like her; I'm a "guy" person, not a female. She cannot think that I can be anything other than what nature intended me to be; meaning I'm a guy. I'm not a guy's guy; that is for sure. Fuck, I'm not even a me -guy. What I am is a guy that is lost in his own journey. Now I think that she thinks that I'm supposed to be a Catholic -guy. I'm supposed to serve before I consume. Let others have a fair and balanced opportunity before I attempt to consume it all. Other than her there is no one in my life; on the other hand, she is the mot…

Beta abating....?

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My beta is running hot; Dr. Steve, my brain's fixer upper, thinks that I need a moment with someone who might help my psyche, another therapist. The "poor boy" will learn that it is its it. It has been twenty five years in the making; I do believe my brain's construct is what it is. For five years the system sentenced me to therapy for sexual deviant behavior. Think about it for a moment; you just got out of the joint; you need space so that you can find some sense of equilibrium. And the system turns you over to the cuckoo's nest. And every session -weekly, you get to listen to people dump all over you. That is right; you have to sit there and listen to the delusions that these poor lost souls have to endure. I would come out of those sessions in such a depressed state of mind. They wanted me to uncover the deep dark devil living inside of me, the devil that made me do it. That is what they wanted me to talk about, what was it that made you to want to do such a …

$1,000.00... a southern sex scandal.

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Let us talk about my trial. OK. One of the witnesses lied to the jury; she testified to the jury that she met me at the Yachtsman the afternoon in question; she did not because I was with a  amateur hooker. She never met me like she testified to in the trial. I remember that day because that afternoon is what this story is all about: this is what I had in my pocket the morning that I went to pick up B.N.: I was going to prepay her the commission she could earn upon completion of any contract for timeshare/whole ownership. I was supposed to pick her up that morning and take her to a resort property on the beach which was under federal receivership. This was the property securing the red trading weeks for sale. But no, she was to busy. She  said, "Take my daughter down town to the midway" which I did. Now by chance, this is also where I live, directly across the street from Mother Fletcher's, the great den of sin; this is where I let her (the daughter) out and did not see …

Charlie Yeo.........yeo man.

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We all know that the "fix" is in, only if you do not get caught. And this is the theme: when you live life outside of the neighborhood, your comfort zone. Well then, you should know that you are going to get caught because you live by the instinct of self best interest; this is where life becomes gray. Not the gray matter between your ears, but for sure, it is similar. Because, you are here in life to be creative, yet you are not always truthful unless you believe in what others told you to say. For example, you are selling greed; you believed in what the leprechaun told you to say about the greed;  because you work for the leprechaun, and he promised to make you rich. Welcome to America, the shining world under the star on top of the hill. That reminds me of another myth - this is the urban legend about three kings who are looking for the leprechaun being born under the big star in the old world, not like today in the new world order, America. This was the leprechaun Jesus…

Pirates' joy...It's all about status.

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So the Devil said,  " It never hurts to stack the deck." And what a deck it is indeed; pick up the paper, any paper professing to be the rag of the day. There you will find out about the bottom line, death or near death on every slice of whatever it is that you slice and dice to cull your share. In the old days you could find a good democracy on board any one of the vessels scavenging off the coast. Yes, that was the pirates' way. Today it is only one of those fleeting fantasies that you out there in blogging land want to hold onto so you too can go to the islands and establish a tax free way of freeing yourself form helping those that are less able to function due to their status or lack of it in this new world order. Give me what I want when I want it; I want it to be tax free because I earned it you see with only a little bit of help from my family. Our way or the highway has been here since the good old days when the family deemed what the good old days were all abou…

Dancing the..."Can Can"...I knew I could.

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To be or not to be formal is another circus under the "big-top." I say to be informal is a good place to start: theblackmarket.me is only formal about your privacy; otherwise, the "fix" is in. This is the stage of yes, not the stage of no. Your Easy Side is "our easy side." It is all about yes you can; it's  dancing the "can can,"go see if you can. This is seeing if you can get justice out of the system; it's not a quixotic aspiration; it's social justice. Getting your needs met is very iffy for an inmate when he is not grounded. The basic four(4) foot square that you might consider your is never owned by the inmate; the space that he occupies is rented space and each step he takes is coveted by another inmate trying to get his needs met.

Now for the story about teaching inmates how to want to learn when the environment's choices are stunted. We are dealing with roughly 1250(+ or -) inmates who are all in their own orbit movin…

"the bill"

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There is no way to pay back the cost of services. The favor that serendipity brought about. This is what you want to discern so that you are not negligent in your responsibilities to pass on to others the synergy of your debts; as they say, "pass it on."I believe that it is a waste of energy to project my own shit; when it happens it has its tangential habit of retrofitting back on itself, creating more garbage. What about you? Have you ever considered the consequences of your negligence? What is negligence? It's your "shit" composting because you are not a redeemer. But, you find comfort in it anyway. So, now you too kick the can down the road until you need redemption. Side bar: I have to tell you this story. I was president of a small bible school, Pecos Valley Christian College in Roswell, NM., on the way to being consequential, yet not getting there. One of the staffers said to me that he was a  Southern Baptist; he was baptized, therefore, the fix was in.…

today's .....?

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You are not going to believe this but this is the first time that I lost a blog. Right!  It was there and than it was gone! I had a blank page in front of me - this page that I'm writing on now,  just a moment ago it was a partially completed blog. I was blogging about the three legs, stools of the system, like the chair metaphor. There was Law, Order and Church each a separate odoriferous force; when all three come down upon you it is pungent to say the least. Yes, the question is how to fight back when their spin is a negative enforcer to foster hate upon yours truly. If they would allow me to publish my side of the story, my situation would surely change for the better- theirs not so well because their stench runs very deep indeed in this particular context. Anyway! When you are a political prisoner -that is me; you are shut off from society's market place; Therefore, you have no income. If the courts will not listen to you, what do you do? I say, "You form a labor uni…

"Staged"...suspension of disbelief.

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Hey you, file this under carnal knowledge; That is the way we do it; you do understand that if you do not know what to do with information then you file it under carnal knowledge, right! It is the FUCK file. If you want to "set" someone up -match and set- file it in the FUCK. This story is make believe in Charleston, SC this weekend with the bridge run and so much more. They will gather and pontificate about the idealization of thought, yes their thought, not yours. So enjoy the mass baptism of joy, its the trickle down theory. They will let you come into their environment and breath the same air as they do. Please note: they believe that you are a one night stand. They are the drug of choice, not that nonsense, marihuana. They want to get you drunk on their elixir of the day -menu of the day, not marihuana. The problem with marihuana according to the church and therefore the elites is that it will free you from under their control. Marihuana will allow you to discern previo…

Elites'

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It is nothing but a "fucking joke" if you really think that the Supreme Court is working on behalf of you. The 'new world order' is a word string whose subliminal meaning is suffocating society. This is all about power and money: highest and best use of the wiglet, you are the wiglet. You are being fed garbage as if it were to be dined upon; this is all about setting a stage so that the system can "vampire" off you, sucking the life out of you. This is your only chance to see life as if it were worth seeing. You in control of your choices. The problem is quite simple, your choice are not productive; they are unique to you; therefore, jettison that which is yours in favor of the "highest and best use" so  that the elites can play. What I do not understand is this: WHY!  How does the system justify itself?  It does not have to because it is the only system. For example, the system is closing down a Pre-Release center in S.C. - this is where the felo…

To listen

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So today I got my ears clipped. I was in for sensory feedback, inquiring about how I absorb the material so to but me in a better place. So you lay down on a recliner with your knees bent up slightly. There is a computer monitor at the end of the recliner which shows different material like a movie or a puzzle coming together. This is a passive process between the body and the brain; the mind is out in left field. For example, during the movie, the lighting becomes brighter and dimmer on a tangential flow, a confluence of light. That was the easy part because after that it was all about changing my diet. Gluten free. Right! I love to have bran flakes and raisins as a dessert before going to bed. Fuck, what is wrong with it? Bad timing as it is at the end of the day and my body is storing its excess in fat deposits. Than the doc went on to breakfast, questioning the wisdom of oatmeal every morning. From there it was my coffee intake. He wants me to be on the come back trail as a Chippe…

Spite...27years.

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That is when it all started. It was April 1st, 1989 -twenty five years ago today- the joke was on me and it is on you now. But for now, this story is about measuring my dysfunctions so that I can measure my task. Meaning: How much energy am I wasting because of the way that I process my assumptions, based upon my stored memories? It's called Beta Dysregulation. On a scale of (1 to 10 ) I'm a negative 7. Now to get this rating, a cap is placed upon your head and it has nodes that read the energy running through your brain; you store information in different parts of the brain; these brain areas can be read through those nodes. Side bar: I'm going to say it is passive aggressive in nature. Back to the story. All I have to do is become someone else. But, because I spent time in the "icicle Garden" you can assume that my brain was traumatized. This trauma is repressed anger because of the methods imposed upon prison life and their affect upon the felon. And it seems …

Gargoyle...it's the inner thing.

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Remember the Holy Roman Empire: remember the Italian City States.The Holy Sea. Where are they today? South and central America. Who is its it? Pope Francis, my very own patron saint. He is the church's gargoyle coming out of the southern hemisphere with his gathering of the flock. Their bank keeps on growing and their power is exploding on the reigns of Putin's new agenda. Some day the U.S. will get out of the game so that the players can play on. When playing with felons, disregard your own rules; understand what the player's needs are; than furnish them. What you need to understood is that the region and its people are more tribal than they are individual. The U.S. is individual whereas the rest of the world and its populations are tribal in belief. The U.S. is "self best interest" and within this it's a southern thing to be more "position" oriented, a more conservative stance. See this picture; the Gargoyle as the metaphor for the region known as…

Thanks...:)

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When I was in the "icicle garden" getting my brains raped, I met Williams, another inmate. He offered a safe place to hang for a while: the Jaycees. Yes, he was one of the independent variables. Like Thoreau, he marched to his own drummer.  He was a felon of circumstances beyond his control; the way he carried himself in the joint said that he did not choose to be a felon. He still is a felon. No question about it. But you eviscerate his potential. He could have been one of society's assets, but instead he is an island unto himself scrapping for ever inch of itch he feels. So, just for laughs, let us pretend that there is a God, OK. Now, those who where prejudiced because it suited their needs will have to answer to why. God wants to know why your redemption is false. Side bar: God put you here, her reasons and your lessons. She said I had a purpose for Williams; why did you deny him. Right! Like does She really exist? F.u.c.k! They have no problem because they know that…

Confession, maybe not

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Confession inside of the confessional booth when I was a young man came along with its own baggage. In this story the confessor's proxies of sexual enlightenment were challenged by the priest within the booth. Taking me into his rectory where he performed his attempt of exercising the devil from the "tulip" budding between my legs. Using his communal kit, he placed two wafers on my "tulip" and than poured wine over them and sucked on my tulip until he sucked the devil out of me; This went on each Wednesday around 3pm for several months. Then he was gone- I went to confession that last Wednesday at the appointed time, 3pm. And went into an empty confessional booth. Now I told this story to the group during one of my many therapy sessions; they did not believe me. They did not believe that I did not know that this was wrong at the time that I was getting my "tulip" sucked on. Now I know that he was not the first person to suck on my genitals, but that i…